so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
