So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
