tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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