Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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