I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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