Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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