fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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