yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
