Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
