I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
