her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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