I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
