woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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