FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
