I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
