pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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