Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
