so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
