well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
