There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
