Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
