She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
