There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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