I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
