this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
