I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she told me i tasted like america
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
