Plan B is the new Plan A
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Let's get the cat blown out
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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