i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
