bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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