sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
