I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
