He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
