What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
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Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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