I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
