Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
