she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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