I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I FOUND THE LEGS
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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