end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
