Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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