i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
