I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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