Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
