Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
