I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
