two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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