remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
