You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
