If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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