The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
