I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
