The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
