everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
