I'm so fucking centered right now
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
