Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Never underestimate the power of titties
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
