he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
