ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
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