I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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