And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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