were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
someone owes me an orgasm
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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