sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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