I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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