Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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