I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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