4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
White coat. Heels.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
