omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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