the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.