I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
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When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over