Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.