he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.