Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?