I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder