I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
