Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
