I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
