these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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