hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
True strength comes from lack of pants
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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