ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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