my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
